I Never Wanted To Hurt You
by sheonlyreadsbooks
Summary: In which Sebastian skips school to visit Blaine in the hospital after damaging his eye. (don't judge me, but i'm all over sweet!Sebastian when he's near Blaine because idk adfhdas;ldfa)
1. Chapter 1

Sebastian didn't tell anybody he was going. He didn't want anybody to know. To be honest, he was sort of hoping that Blaine would be asleep when he visited. He didn't know what he wanted to say or how he was supposed to apologize for what he'd done, but he had to at least see Blaine. He knew he couldn't make amends, and that made him not want to at all.

He skipped school on a Wednesday to go visit Blaine at the hospital. He figured his parents, who really didn't care all that much, would be working and his friends would all have to be at school, even Kurt. He told his mom he was sick and when she went to work, he got dressed and drove to the hospital.

He's always hated hospitals. Nothing particularly heartbreaking happened in his childhood or anything, but it was just for the general reasons of why people hate hospitals: they smell too sterilized, people are dying, and they're a cesspool for diseases and infections. The fact that he could feel his guilt welling up inside him -growing and growing- didn't help calm his nerves. His heart was pounding louder than before and his stomach in knots as he walked up to the floor that he heard Blaine was at.

He walked to the nurses' station and cleared his throat. When a young nurse looked up at him, he smiled softly. "Hi, can you tell me where Blaine Anderson's room is?"

"Oh, yes, room 309, he's right down the hall and to the right. But I've got to warn you, he's in pretty bad shape and he might be sleeping." The nurse said sweetly before looking back at the computer that she was entering some information into.

Sebastian thanked her and walked to the hospital room. It was a single room. Blaine was sleeping in the hospital bed. He looked so small in the large bed, with wires and IVs hooked up to his arms. His eye was covered in gauze and although he was sleeping, he still looked quite tired.

Sebastian almost left. It was too much for him. His eyes were already bordering with tears, and he felt as if he might throw up. He slowly walked over to the chair which was scooted very close to Blaine's bed. He could only think that Kurt was probably sitting in that chair the night before, trying to make Blaine feel better and to make him feel loved. That thought made him feel both disgusted with their relationship and with himself.

For a while, he just sat there, teary eyed, staring at Blaine. He watched him whimper in his sleep and twitch slightly. He wondered if he was having a nightmare. He wondered if Blaine was dreaming about how Sebastian hurt him. He wondered if the medicines they were giving Blaine were enough to flush out the pain that he had caused. He wondered if Blaine would wake up and just the mere sight of Sebastian would send him into a type of panic attack. He wondered if Blaine would order him out of the room. He wondered if his eye would ever be repaired or if he'd be permanently damaged. He wondered if Blaine would go his whole life with a horrible reminder of what happened that night.

And then, without realizing it, he was crying. He never cried. Okay, well not never, but it was a very rare occurrence. Sebastian crying in front of somebody is an even rarer occurrence. But he couldn't stop. Tears were flowing down his face and he found it hard to breathe. He took hold of Blaine's hand and held it gently. He said over and over, "I'm so sorry."

Without much warning, Blaine stirred in his sleep. He opened his eye and looked around the room, looking both dazed and confused. It was very obvious that Blaine was heavily medicated _and _exhausted. Sebastian sniffled and tried to contain some of his tears. Blaine didn't pull his hand away and neither did Sebastian.

Blaine sat up a little. He slowly started to recognize Sebastian. He furrowed his eyebrows a bit, but he couldn't do it too much because exaggerated facial expressions caused pain to his eye.

"B-bas?" he asked sleepily.

Sebastian sniffled again and wiped his tears with his other hand. He spoke softly and unsurely, "Hey there, killer."

"Why are you here?" he asked, almost wincing.

"I…. Oh god, Blaine. I'm so sorry." He used all of his strength not to cry.

"You hurt me." Blaine stated, realizing that Sebastian was holding his hand. He pulled away a bit.

"I did." Sebastian confirmed.

"Why would you do that?" Blaine asked, feeling confused.

"I didn't mean to. I… I meant to hurt Kurt, which I know is no better. I didn't think it would be this bad. I had no clue it would cause real damage. I was being an asshole." Sebastian blubbered.

"But I love Kurt." Blaine told him.

Sebastian nearly winced at those words. He nodded. "I know you do, Blaine. I know. It was a shitty thing for me to do."

"It was." Blaine agreed. He sighed a little.

"I don't want you to forgive me. I actually think you should hate me. I just wanted to apologize. I just… I never wanted to hurt you." Sebastian told him softly.

"I can't hate you, Bas. We're friends." Blaine said gently.

"But I hurt you." Sebastian told him.

"I know. And I'm mad at you. And I don't want to be friends, but we are friends. I can't just not be your friend because you made a mistake." Blaine told him.

Sebastian sighed. Blaine was out of it. This wasn't his real thought process. When he was doing better, he'd call Sebastian and tell him off and say how horrible he is. Actually, that's not Blaine's style. He hates causing conflict. He'd probably just avoid ever talking to or seeing Sebastian again. And Sebastian would have to be okay with that, because it's his own fault. He stood up. "We can talk about this when you're doing better, okay?"

"I just… I don't want you to think I don't love you." Blaine said softly.

Sebastian's heart jumped and his stomach twisted even tighter. He swallowed the lump in his throat before talking. "Love?"

"I don't know. You're one of my best friends, Bas. I love you." Blaine said softly, looking down.

"I love you too, B." Sebastian answered in a whisper. "But I should get going. I just wanted to say hi. I _really_ want you to feel better. I'm so sorry."

Blaine nodded, "I'm going to be okay. I get surgery tomorrow and they're going to fix it, so I'll be fine. And I know you're sorry."

"Bye, Blaine." Sebastian said, turning toward the door.

"Bye, Sebastian." Blaine said back, settling down in a laying position against the pillows again.

And then Sebastian was walking down the hospital corridors, crying again. People probably thought he lost a loved one or something; they probably thought he had no blame in his own pain, but they were wrong. This was all Sebastian's fault. All of the turmoil and pain it caused, all of the confusion and mixed feelings were his own fault. He hurt Blaine. He hurt the only person that he even came close to loving, even if it was unrequited. In that moment, he swore he'd never be worthy of real love.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't until two days after Blaine's surgery that Sebastian heard anything from Blaine directly.

_Did you visit me in the hospital? –B_

_ Why? –S_

_ I'm not sure if it was a dream? –B_

_ Do you dream about me often? ;) –S_

_ I guess you didn't. –B_

_ No. I did. I'm sorry for joking. I did visit. –S_

_ And what you say? –B_

_ What I needed to say. –S_

_ Can we go out sometime? For coffee or something? We should talk. –B_

_ Don't feel obligated. We don't have to if you don't want to. You can continue hating me if that's what you'd like. –S_

_ Bas, I asked you to hang out! I want to talk about this. –B_

_ How's tomorrow? –S_

_ I don't think that's a good idea. I'm still in a good amount of pain. And I'm tired most of the time. Maybe Monday or Tuesday when you're done school? –B_

_ That's perfect. I'll see you then. –S_

_ See you. –B_

Sebastian sighed and put his phone down. His head was going in a thousand different directions. Blaine saying that he was in a lot of pain just reminded him of what he'd done and it felt as if a thousand knives of guilt stabbed him all at once. Everything ached. He hated knowing he'd done that to Blaine: sweet, innocent, friendly, fun-loving Blaine. He felt disgusted with himself. He decided to start working on some homework to distract his mind.

The days leading up to Monday, which was the day they ended up deciding on, seemed like one distraction after the next. All he could think about was Blaine: seeing Blaine while he was awake and lucid, talking to Blaine again, remember how much he hurt Blaine, and trying to shut up all of the feelings that he still felt for Blaine.

And finally Monday came. The school day dragged on, longer than any day Sebastian Smythe ever had to live through. He tried his best to only check the clock when it felt as if a considerable amount of time passed, but to him, five minutes felt like more than a considerable amount of time. His leg shook with anxiety underneath the desks he sat at throughout the day. He skipped out on Warbler practice; they didn't need him as much as Blaine did. He texted Blaine as he left school and then sped the entire way to The Lima Bean.

When he arrived, he looked nervously around the room for Blaine. He didn't see him yet, so he walked to the line. In line, he anxiously shifted his weight from foot to foot and played with his fingers. He was almost up when somebody stepped beside him. He felt the arm brush against his. Slowly, he raised his head and was met by a blazing hazel eye. The other was covered by an adorable heart shaped eye patch. Blaine looked as beautiful as ever, a soft smile painted on his face. He didn't look the least bit angry or resentful. Sebastian felt the anxiety drain out of his body as he smiled back.

"Blaine." He said softly.

"Bas." Blaine responded just as softly, his smile lifting just a bit more.

Sebastian smiled back sweetly. "How are you feeling?"

"A lot better." Blaine answered.

"Good." Sebastian said softly. He resisted the urge to bring his hand to Blaine's face and stroke his cheek comfortingly.

"Were you here for long?" Blaine asked to avoid the silence that would have filled the air between them.

Sebastian shook his head, smiling a little more sweetly. "No, I just got here. I was kind of afraid you wouldn't show."

"I already told you, I asked you to coffee. I _want _to talk about it." Blaine insisted.

"Okay. Sorry." Sebastian answered, looking down.

Blaine opened his mouth to talk, but they were being asked their orders. Sebastian ordered and paid for both drinks, despite Blaine's protests. Blaine found them a spot to sit. He sat down first and crossed his legs. He folded his hands on top of the table. Sebastian sat across from Blaine, pulling his seat close to the table, as to be as close to Blaine as possible. For a while, nobody talked. It was silent. They looked at each other, and at their coffee, and they took sips of their drinks, and they both let their thoughts run amuck.

"I'm sorry. I truly am sorry. I know it's not enough, but I can't stop feeling sorry. All I feel is guilt." Sebastian finally said, breaking the silence. His eyes were filled with emotion. He didn't look like he was going to cry, but he truly did look hurt.

Blaine nodded, and hummed a bit. "I know you are. I can tell. You're not lying."

"I couldn't. I still can't believe I did that." Sebastian said quietly.

"Me neither." Blaine answered truthfully.

"I basically told you everything I had to say at the hospital. The big question is, do you still feel the same ways?" Sebastian asked.

"I do. I forgive you. I love you. You're really one of my best friends. I care about you. I am mad and upset, but that won't stop me from being your friend." Blaine told him.

"But how will your friends feel. And K-kurt?" Sebastian asked, looking down.

Blaine unlinked his hands from one another and brought one to stroke Sebastian's arm comfortingly. Even through his blazer, Sebastian felt his skin tingling. His stomach filled with butterflies, something he's ashamed to admit, and his heart began to beat just a bit faster. It was a quick moment, but it was a quick moment that felt like an infinite moment.

"It doesn't matter what they think. I can explain to Kurt why I want to be your friend. Nobody'll be happy, but they can't just stop me from being friends with you." Blaine answered after brushing his hand against Sebastian's arm.

"You mean it?" Sebastian asked, feeling a little surprised.

"Of course I do, silly." Blaine answered, smiling softly.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness." Sebastian murmured.

"Maybe you don't. But I trust you." Blaine told him.

Sebastian's stomach flipped inside of him. Blaine trusted him. He shouldn't have trusted him, but he did. Sebastian's mind raced a mile a minute. He took another sip of coffee. And then conversation turned light. The two of them talked about the weather, and Valentine's day coming up (Sebastian noted that Blaine barely even mentioned Kurt) and funny stories Blaine had from the hospital and what was going on with the Warblers and basically everything except for the state of their friendship. But that didn't matter all that much to Sebastian. After their serious conversation, he knew that he and Blaine were going to be okay. At least for now.


	3. Chapter 3

After a few casual coffee dates as just friends, Sebastian was starting to get fed up. He couldn't take it. How could anybody take sitting across a table from the sexiest man on this planet without letting him know how badly they wanted to devour him? Sebastian didn't know how anybody did it. It felt impossible to him. But he knew being too forward would most likely scare Blaine away. So, he put in a plan to start bumping their relationship to the next level at their next friendly coffee date without letting Blaine realize it.

"So you're completely off your pain meds?" Sebastian asked with a grin, leaning back in his seat, despite wanting to lean as close to Blaine as possible

Blaine nodded happily, "Completely done. And I feel almost one-hundred percent better."

"Well that's great." Sebastian hummed out as he put his coffee cup back on the table, shifting so that he was sitting up more straight. "This is cause for celebration."

"What kind of celebration?" Blaine asked with a sweet giggle that could literally make Sebastian's stomach twist in a way that he never thought possible.

"Well… I was thinking, since you couldn't drink while on meds… Maybe we should go out drinking to celebrate that you're off them." Sebastian proposed, trying to seem as casual as possible.

Blaine shifted, almost uncomfortably. Sebastian could tell that he was thinking about Kurt. Ever since they started talking again, it was like they had an unspoken agreement never to bring up Kurt. Sebastian was pretty sure Blaine hadn't told his boyfriend about their friendship, and he was perfectly okay with that. It didn't bother him, but he knew, in his core, that it bothered Blaine to an extent. Blaine cleared his throat, then spoke softly, "I dunno, Bas…"

"Come on," Sebastian said with a charming smile. "We'll just have a few drinks and dance to a few songs. It'll be fun."

Blaine smiled shyly and bit his lip, "I'm still not sure…"

"Blaine." Sebastian said softly, "We both know you want to. Come on. Just one night."

"Okay, fine." Blaine finally said with a soft sigh. "Maybe on Saturday night?"

Sebastian nodded, "Sounds perfect." He checked his watch, "I've got to go now though. I'll see you then, killer?"

Blaine nodded, smiling a little more brightly.

Sebastian stood up and walked away, being sure to sway his hips a little more than usual, to give Blaine a bit of a show. As soon as he was looking away from Blaine, a smirk showed up on his face. He was so pleased with himself. Dancing and drinking with Blaine this weekend. It was going to be successful; he could feel it- especially without his annoying little boyfriend tagging along this time.

Sebastian knew he should be more careful this time and he shouldn't let his feelings get carried away, considering what happened last time, but he wasn't going to hurt anybody this time. Well, not physically. If Kurt got his heart broken… who cares? Sebastian's need to be with Blaine was stronger than he could describe and he knew that to some degree, Blaine felt the same pull. He just needed Blaine to admit it. He felt like he needed that confession more than he needed air.


	4. Chapter 4

"You showed," Sebastian said with a smirk as he leaned against the brick outdoor wall of Scandals.

Blaine rolled his eyes fondly, "You're acting like I'm late," he glanced down at his phone. "As a matter of fact, I'm two minutes early. How long were you waiting?"

"Not long," Sebastian said with a shrug. He pushed himself off of the wall and met Blaine the rest of the way. He looped his arm around Blaine's waist without thinking and Blaine let him. He let out a happy hum, "Looking good."

"Thanks," Blaine said with a faint blush on his cheeks. They walked into the bar after showing off their fake ids. Sebastian was so happy to be back here with just Blaine. Hell, even when Blaine's little boyfriend tagged along, it was pretty damn nice, but it was much better with just the two of them.

"No problem, killer. How about I get us something to drink before we dance?" he offered.

Blaine bit his lip in contemplation before nodding. Sebastian flashed him a grin before leading them both to the bar. He sat Blaine down and then took the seat next to them. He ordered them both beers. Blaine's initial face to the drink made Sebastian chuckle. Apparently Blaine was more used to fruity drinks. But Blaine didn't complain. He continued drinking. They talked a bit about casual things: school, glee, etc. Again, they both did well to avoid the subject of Kurt.

After enough chit-chat, Sebastian stood up suddenly. He held his hand out for Blaine. Blaine laughed as he was pulled to the dance floor. At first, the two of them were dancing with space between them, just playful and fun. Sometimes, one or both of them would sing or hum along to the music to the other. Eventually, although neither of them were sure how it happened, their bodies were touching with every dance move and their faces were nearly brushing against one another's. Sebastian's eyes were closed and he focused on the feeling of Blaine's body against his own. Oh god. It was so perfect. Everything he ever wanted. His best dreams come true-

And then suddenly, without warning, Blaine pulled away with a laugh. He was already tipsy, Sebastian could tell. He knew Blaine was a light-weight from their last outing, but he didn't know it'd hit him this quickly. "More drinks!" Blaine proposed with a giggle.

Sebastian laughed. "Are you sure?"

"Positive!" Blaine laughed and grabbed Sebastian's hand again, pulling him towards the bar. "On me!"

Sebastian shook his head, still grinning, as Blaine bought them both cocktails. Sebastian was halfway done his when Blaine finished. And Blaine decided he wouldn't wait for Sebastian to finish. He jumped up from his seat, "Let's _dance!" _

Sebastian was definitely not one to reject that offer. Plus, Blaine paid for his drink anyway, so it wasn't too much of a waste. He followed Blaine to the dance floor. This time, they ignored the formalities of keeping space and immediately started dancing closely to each other. But soon, Blaine began using Sebastian for support to keep himself fully standing as they danced. Damn, this stuff really did get to Blaine.

"Hey, killer, how about we get out of here?" Sebastian offered.

Blaine shook his head, "Having fun!"

"It's late," Sebastian said, pulling away slightly, but still giving Blaine support. "Plus, you're wasted. You should be going to bed."

Blaine pouted, but didn't try to fight it when Sebastian led them to the parking lot. "I'll drive you home," he said with a gentle smile.

Again, Blaine didn't object. He followed Sebastian to his car, laughing and talking about nothing and everything. When they got to Blaine's house, he stumbled out of the car and towards the door. Sebastian rolled down the passenger side window, "You're sure you'll make it?"

Blaine laughed at the question and immediately stumbled over. Sebastian rolled his eyes and hopped out of the car. He noticed that Blaine's parents weren't home, which made everything easier, because at least they didn't have to sneak around. It was a bit of challenge to get Blaine all the way to his bedroom. Sebastian helped him take his shoes and jeans off, but left Blaine in his boxers and shirt. Blaine curled under the blankets, he seemed suddenly sleepy.

Sebastian took as step away and smiled, "You good, B?"

Blaine smiled and nodded, but reached his hand out. "Sebastian, don't leave!" he said with a laugh.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. God, he wanted to. His main goal was to get into bed with Blaine. Okay, maybe not this way, but this way was better than no way. But he felt like he was taking advantage of Blaine. He sure as hell wasn't going to fuck him when he was this drunk, but should he even indulge in him this way? He just took a step away.

"Sebastian," Blaine whined.

"You want me to stay?" Sebastian asked.

Blaine nodded, grinning now. He could tell he was going to get what he wants.

Sebastian groaned teasingly, "Fine. I guess I can. God, could you be more demanding?" He toed off his shoes and pulled off his own clothes, leaving him just in his boxers. He definitely noticed Blaine staring. He smirked, which caused the drunken boy to blush. Blaine turned over in bed, facing the other wall. Sebastian shrugged and got into the bed. He pressed his front against Blaine's back, laying close, and looped his arms around Blaine's waste, like he had at the beginning of the night.

"I always thought you'd be nice to cuddle with," Blaine mumbled out in a sleepy whisper.

"What, Blaine?" Sebastian asked softly.

But Blaine was already asleep. Sebastian closed his eyes. The next morning might be interesting, but at least for tonight, he got to hold Blaine.


	5. Chapter 5

Blaine smiled as he nuzzled closer to Sebastian's chest. But slowly, his eyes opened, growing wider and wider with shock and surprise. If Sebastian was awake, he probably would have been able to feel Blaine's heartbeat through his chest. He pushed away slightly and swallowed nervously. "S-sebastian?" he whispered.

Sebastian barely stirred. His eyes started to open slowly. He saw Blaine in his vision. He didn't process why this could possibly be wrong. He just smiled at him lazily. Who wouldn't want to wake up to the image of Blaine in the morning? "Morning, beautiful," he said, the sleep still heavy in his voice.

Blaine's eyes just grew larger. As if hearing Sebastian's voice just verified that it was really him. "Oh god," he groaned quietly, rolling to lie on his back. "What happened last night?"

"Nothing," Sebastian said with a sigh, realizing his fantasy was over. "I drove you home. You asked me to stay. That's all."

Blaine nodded, eyes closing again. "Okay… God. Did I drink a lot?"

Sebastian chuckled, "Actually, not all that much."

"My head kills," Blaine frowned.

"I bet it does, killer," Sebastian smirked as he sat up.

"Wait!" Blaine said, eyes opening. "Is my car at the bar?"

"Yea… I guess we should go get that?" Sebastian offered, running his hand through his hair.

"Do you mind?" Blaine asked softly.

Sebastian shook his head, "No, not at all."

"After breakfast." Blaine sighed, closing his eyes again. "And coffee. And Advil."

Sebastian laughed. "Alright. How about you get some more rest? I'll bring some up to you."

"You don't have to do that…." Blaine said, although the only move he made was to put his arm over his eyes to block out the light.

"No big deal." Sebastian chuckled.

"You're the best," Blaine hummed happily.

Sebastian shook his eyes fondly. He hurried downstairs. He didn't know Blaine's house too well, but it wasn't too hard to figure out. He made coffee for the both of them and scrambled eggs. He found Advil with a bunch of other over the counter medicines in Blaine's kitchen. He placed two of those on the tray, with two plates of eggs and toast and their two cups of coffee to Blaine's room a few minutes later.

"Breakfast time, Blainey," he called out gently as he walked into the room.

Blaine sat up slowly, smiling at Sebastian. He inhaled, his smile growing. "I was afraid I dreamed your promise of food."

Sebastian chuckled, "Nope. It was very real."

The tray was placed over Blaine's lap. Sebastian slid into the bed next to Blaine again and took his own plate into his lap. The two of them ate, relatively silently. Blaine was running through the morality of the previous night and today in his head, and whether or not this was something he had to tell Kurt. Sebastian was contemplating how he could turn this into something more, and silently yelling at himself for letting the opportunity of last night slip between his fingers somehow.

Blaine rubbed his temples before collecting their two plates, starting to stand up. "Okay. Get dressed," he said to Sebastian. "And I'll be back in a few minutes to get ready. And then we'll go get my car."

Sebastian nodded. "Okay. Great idea."

"Thanks for everything, Bas," Blaine said quietly as he left the room. Sebastian didn't answer. He was already lost in thought again. He really didn't understand where they were supposed to go from here. Did this change their relationship at all, or were they still at the same, boring place that they were before?


End file.
